I have to confess that this afternoon has been a tough one for me. Can I just say that parenting is HARD. For those of you reading this who are parents, I can hear a hearty "Amen!" My oldest is only 3 (almost 4), but I feel like sometimes we are fighting battles that are supposed to happen when she is 13! (I have heard it said that this is the first adolescence!) We had one of those moments today. With Caroline, there is no hiding her emotions or filtering her heart condition. She was just flat out defiant--and not just once! Usually in times like that I can feel myself warm up with anger. It was one of those times when I stopped and cried out for wisdom from God, but you know what?...I didn't wait for an answer--I just dove right in and tried to rectify the situation as I saw fit. Needless to say the immediate outcome was not what I wanted. Sometimes I forget that she is just 3. James is so right in saying that the tongue is a powerful and deadly weapon. I am reminded that I must constantly guard my tongue when I get upset. After I disciplined Caroline I felt an immediate need for us to have a few moments of reconciliation, and to assure her that I loved her very much and was proud of her in so many ways. After a few hugs and kisses I put her to bed for a nap and I came downstairs and immediately opened my Bible.
I was still searching for answers and wisdom from God. It occurred to me that I shouldn't go searching through the Bible for scriptures on discpiline, but just look to Jesus Christ as my example. I started to read John 8-9 and as I was reading God convicted me of something. In a blog that I wrote just a few days ago, I talked about how we look at the behavior of people (and ourselves) and try and fix problems that way, rather than looking at the heart. If you remember, I wrote that we need to stop doing that and look at the heart as God does. Well, God showed me that I was being a hypocrite!! With Caroline, I was trying to correct the behavior without looking at the heart and asking questions that would bring out what was in her heart. Jesus CONSTANTLY did this. The questions and retorts that he would give back to the Pharisees always pointed to their depraved hearts--their prideful hearts.
Even with the general public, Jesus was all about a person's heart condition. When the person trusted God with his/her heart and believed Him, healing would take place.
The other scripture that came to mind was in Matthew 7 when Christ said:“Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!"
I know how much I want good for my girls and yet I'm imperfect. Just imagine how much more God wants for me (and them)...and He is perfect!! When I discipline Caroline, I often talk with her about trusting that I am wanting what is best for her. Yet, I make mistakes sometimes in my discipline. But, you know what?...God NEVER MESSES UP when He is disciplining us. He is Holy. So, how much more should we be trusting Him when he disciplines us? I love Hebrews 12. This passage immediately follows Chapter 11, the "Hall of Faith" chapter that we are studying. Chapter 12 speaks on God's discipline:
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons: “My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son.” Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it."
I can definitely look back on my life (especially in recent years) and see how God disciplined me. It was extremely painful at the time, but I now realize that holiness was and IS his goal. Discipline trains and teaches us. We must also remember that He never treats us as our sins deserve (Psalm 103:10). So, even when He disciplines us there is such grace intertwined!! Praise God we are His children! It would be worse not to be His child.
I want so much for Caroline to trust me--even when I discipline her. It hurts when I sense that she isn't trusting my heart. Oh, how much God wants us to trust Him, even in seasons of discipline. Even though he disciplines, he will never remove his love from us and He will always be faithful!
(Psalm 89:31-33) (We should also tell our children this--especially after a discipline session! They need to know that no matter what, we will always love them and that God loves them unconditionally.)
Another point that struck me as I was reading John 8-9 was the truth that Jesus is the Good Shepherd of our hearts. Jesus describes himself that way, and refers to us as His sheep. "My sheep hear my voice and I know them and they follow me." He IS the shepherd of our hearts. Likewise, I should shepherd my child's heart. (There is a great book with this title, by the way--an excellent and Biblical book on parental discipline). Jesus tests our hearts to prove us genuine (1 Peter), He disciplines and makes us aware (through the Holy Spirit) of behaviors that reflect unbelief and pride.
These are the things He taught me today. It all boils down to faith.
"God is too wise to be mistaken. God is to good to be unkind. So, when you don't understand, when you don't see His plan, when you can't trace His hand, TRUST HIS HEART."
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My roommate told me something funny this evening relating to the part about not-yet-teens acting like teenagers. Her parents used to tell her (before she was a teenager) "you're not a teenager yet! don't act like one!" (haha! :P)
ReplyDeleteThis is really cool though. I like this. Although, I do have a question, how would you say God disciplines? Like, how might that look?
I really like that last quote too. Kristin, these blogs are really good. :)
I think he disciplines in different ways. If we are caught up in a certain sin, he may use consequences of that sinful behavior as discipline. Or, say if someone is in a relationship (excluding marriage) that doesn't honor God, he may allow some really hurtful things to happen for the Christian to get out of the relationship. It would be hurtful, but for his/her own good. So, sometimes he takes things away so that we see we were holding onto something that didn't give him glory.
ReplyDeleteBecause I relied so much on the opinion of others, he allowed me to go through a season where I received no compliments or praise, so that I'd stop relying on that so much and just rely on Him.
Hm, cool. I can definitely see that in my life. I just never really thought to call it discipline, I guess.
ReplyDelete"Or, say if someone is in a relationship (excluding marriage) that doesn't honor God, he may allow some really hurtful things to happen for the Christian to get out of the relationship." I was there most of High School.