Longings

What is your deepest longing?  I'm not really talking about what you desire most right now, but what you have desired over a very long period of time.  Its the thirst of your soul that returns time and again and you are faced with a decision about how to quench it.  There is always a trigger that awakens this longing.  We go through life desperately seeking satisfaction, for this deep burning desire to be filled.  Its very easy to focus on the longing itself and not notice the events, thoughts, or people that trigger it in the first place.  I am confident that I was one of those people for a very long time.  Instead of knowing the triggers for my deep longings and keeping a watchful eye on my thoughts and dreams when they occurred, I often allowed myself to fill this tug on my heart in ways that would not truly satisfy.

Okay, I'll get a little more specific.  I am a hopelessly romantic person.  I know I've written this in previous blogs, but I feel it needs re-stating here.  :)   I absolutely love Jane Austen novels, Anne of Green Gables, Little Women, and every movie based upon these books that has been made over the years.  Since I was a young girl, like many girls, I wanted my handsome prince to sweep me off my feet and ride away with me into the sunset.  Like many women, I believed that when I found the love of my life and married him, then surely that longing would disappear.  It didn't.  But instead of asking deeper questions of myself, I just believed that my husband was supposed to meet them, by golly!  He's not giving me my Mr. Darcy moments nearly as much as I want them!  Sure, Mr. Darcy was there when we first started dating but....now we've been married for several years and...well...its different!  Little did I realize that I was expecting way too much of the man God had given me to spend my life with here on earth.  I was expecting him to meet very deep longings that only Jesus Christ could satisfy.

So what triggered all of these thoughts again tonight?  Well, I watched the most recent adaptation of Jane Eyre.  Because I now know that watching movies like this awakens something in me, I went into it with full awareness that after I viewed the movie, I might need to have a quiet time with my Savior.   And, sure enough, a complex and diverse amount of thoughts and emotions began to bubble up inside.  I don't think I can even begin to articulate them, so I won't, but suffice to say that I was feeling very deeply.  I knew immediately that my thought life could go one direction, or another and I decided that one way can lead to a despairing cycle and the other can lead to a quenching of my thirst.  I chose the latter.  Have I always?  No.  The reason...I didn't realize just how much of a battle field my mind was.  I didn't really realize that I had the power to take thoughts captive and to renew my mind with the powerful Sword of the Spirit.   I would meditate and meditate and dream and wish and long...and I'd feel miserable!

I will never forget one night after I watched the most recent re-make of Pride and Prejudice.  I know I've mentioned it before in my writing too, but again, I feel its relevant to bring it up again.  There is something about that movie that just takes my breath away.  Especially one of the final scenes where Elizabeth is pacing outside her home and just over the hillside, she sees Darcy coming for her.  Its clear that he'd been walking all night and thinking of nothing but her.  The music, the acting, the cinematography, and the artistry is just spectacular in this moment..and...it takes my breath away every time I see it.    I remember watching it one night and thinking to myself..."I wish that was me."  Do you see how dangerous that one thought can be if allowed to grow, deepen, and take hold?  You see, the people who made that movie know that many women would have that thought when they viewed it.  Movie makers, music writers, magazine editors, authors, and producers are counting on our having that thought and acting upon it.  It is a thought that drives our entire society and culture today.  Both men and women build on that thought and go outside of marriage to have their desires met.  People strive and strive to have position, power, and success and lose everything that counts in the process.  There is always a "greener" pasture, so to speak.

But that evening, in the moment that I was thinking that thought, the Holy Spirit within me beckoned me to take that thought to a different source of satisfaction.  I was being called to lift my cup up to The One and Only person who could know my deepest longing the way I wanted to be known and still love me with an unfailing love.  To this day, I cannot describe in words the depth of truth I felt in my quiet time with God that evening.   But, I will never forget it, because it was the first time I had ever taken my deepest thirsts to Him and Him alone.  And, he filled my cup to overflowing and satisfied my deepest longings.  It was as though my Savior was saying, "I'm your Mr. Darcy, Kristin.  It's me, and one day you will see me coming for you--for you--my bride.  I gave my life for you.  You are beautiful and you are going to spend eternity with me."  And from then on, I knew that I couldn't expect anyone else in the world to meet my strongest soul-needs.  There is only one source of living water.

"If anyone is thirsty, let him come to Me and drink.  He who believes in Me, as the Scripture said, "from his innermost being will flow rivers of living water."

Over and over in the book of John, Jesus says, "He who believes in me..."   believes.  Faith.  Trust.
When we choose to believe that Jesus Christ loves us completely and with an unfailing love despite all our faults and choices--despite all our hopeless attempts to fill our empty cups--something amazing happens.  When we trust His character and His Word above what others may say or think of us, and above what society may say about us--we begin to taste what true satisfaction can be and the freedom that comes from it.  "You will know The Truth, and The Truth will set you free."

It all boils down to faith.


All who are thirsty
All who are weak,
Come to the fountain,
Dip your heart in the streams of life.
Let the pain and the sorrow be washed away,
In the waves of His mercy
As deep cries out to deep...

Come Lord Jesus, come.