Striving Together

It has been way too long since I have blogged.   I would like to say that it's because I've been too busy, or that it has nothing to do with my spiritual walk with Christ but either statement would be false.  To be honest, I have, for the last few months at least, been existing in what I would call a "spiritual slump."

Slowly but surely, I have allowed other things, circumstances, and people to take precedence over my relationship with God.   Sure, I did the cursory devotional and scripture reading here and there.   Sure I've had moments of fruitful prayer and worship, but it was all compartmentalized.   I wasn't allowing His Spirit to fully permeate my existence.   Isn't it interesting that it doesn't usually happen overnight?  As each day passes I give the enemy a little rope--just an inch maybe--but after a few months those inches turn into feet, and yards and then I suddenly realize that I am all tied up with knots and tethered to a stronghold or two....or three.   Joy becomes difficult to find.  Apathy sets in.  Doubt and insecurity spread like a cancer.  Why did I let myself get in this place...again!  Sure, its happened before.   How can I get out of this slump?   I knew I needed help.   So, what does Kristin Hightower do?  She buys a book.  She actually looks at several different books (yes I am a bit like Hermoine Granger).   One book in particular seems to hit the nail on the head:  "When I Don't Desire God:  The Fight for Joy" by John Piper.  The title itself seemed to encapsulate my life experience at the present time.    Its hard for a "good Baptist girl" to admit that I am not desiring God.   But there it is...the truth.  I haven't been desiring Him.   Where is the joy of my salvation?

Enter Paul's letter to the Philippian church.   I think I have probably read this epistle more than any other.   I can quote more verses from this letter than any other, and I'm sure you could too.   I wasn't even planning on teaching from Philippians in our college women's Bible study this semester, but God had a different plan.   So, I have begun to delve into His Word.   Because I haven't felt very confident about my Bible study skills of late, I turned to the Inductive Study Method (put forth by Kay Arthur and Precept Ministries).  I have been using this method this time around and was reminded of how well it works.  I was really looking at the text, asking questions, discovering truths without the help of commentaries and Greek dictionaries (well except on a few occasions).  I was only relying upon the direction of the Holy Spirit, and you know what?  He spoke.   Loudly.  Intensely.  Clearly.  For the first time in months a huge grin formed on my lips as I feverishly wrote down the revelations He was giving me.  New revelations.  I hadn't experienced this in months--maybe even years if I am honest.   The fire was lit.  The desire to meet with Him in His Word came alive.   His Grace amazes me.  He is faithful. 

For the record, I don't believe in coincidences.  This may ruffle feathers, but I just don't believe in them.  As God would have it, a woman confided in me this week.  She is really struggling with her faith in Christ.  I was totally surprised as I never would have thought that she would have a struggle with faith that goes so deep.   It totally took me by surprise.  I have had many conversations before, but this one really made me step back and think.  Then on that same day, as God would have it, the answers were given to me as I started delving into Philippians.  My pen could not write fast enough as the answers were coming--flowing like a spring that never runs dry.

Two things gave me great pause as I read and analyzed chapter 1:
1)  I was amazed at Paul's faith, perspective, and joy despite his circumstances.   When I compare how I have responded to some negative circumstances of late and how he was responding to a much more difficult predicament I saw an ENORMOUS difference.  We were polar opposites in our reaction to suffering and difficulty.

• He is in prison--unable to visit churches or plant churches.   There are people out there who are using his imprisonment to their own selfish gain.  He is receiving unjust persecution.  He can't get out there and stop this from happening.  Physically he is helpless to do so.  But that doesn't stop him.  He is so full of joy and PURPOSE!   If he is killed, so be it.  That is all the better because he will be with Christ.  If he is allowed to live, then that means fruitful labor for the Kingdom of God.
• Have you ever really stopped to think about what it means,  "To live IS Christ.  To die IS gain?"
• I can say without hesitation that my life does not look like Christ right now.  I have not been living as Christ--dying to self, dying to my own will and being alive with His Spirit.  As far as death goes, I pray constantly against something like cancer hitting myself or a member of my family.  To be honest, I prize my life on earth more than eternity in heaven with Him.  I do.  And unlike Paul, I don't see my life here on earth through the lens of eternity as I ought to.  I let the temporal things of excelling at my career, success of my children, and pleasing everyone around me take precedence.   I know in my head what is right--in my head I totally agree with Paul's assessment of our life here on earth and I do want that perspective.  But my daily life 24/7 doesn't look like that.  My choices, behaviors, thoughts, and emotions tell a different story. 

2) Despite being in prison, Paul wasn't isolated.  He had fellow believers around him that could visit and encourage him--which leads me to my second point. I have totally taken for granted that we as Christians are supposed to strive and struggle together DAILY in our fight for faith.   This is the point that really hit me.

• Have we forgotten that as brothers and sisters in Christ we are PARTNERS in the gospel?
• We should be telling one another,  "He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it."  We should say this to on another often.  Especially when we see a brother or sister going through a crisis of belief.
• I truly believe now that if we would DAILY reach out to our brothers and sisters in Christ with a word of encouragement and/or exhortation that said believer may not fall into a crisis of belief.   We can actually help keep one another from sliding in to the pit I have fallen into these past months
• Did you know that as a believer in Christ, God has placed you here for a purpose:  
• to exalt Christ in your body (Phil. 1:20).  That means we are to make Him great to make him large in our lives.  To magnify Him.
• to work for each other's progress and joy in the faith
• to stand firm as one on His truth
• to STRIVE together for the faith of the Gospel.  Our enemy is not the person who wrongs us.  It is not the person who says there is no God and presents very logical arguments against Him.  It is not the person who has betrayed us.  Our enemy is Satan.  I think we forget that as Christians.  The think he wants most is to destroy our faith and to keep us from striving together.  Paul says, don't be alarmed by your human opponents.  Fight the real enemy.
• We SHARE in suffering, and Paul actually describes suffering as a grace gift to believers.  Ponder that one for awhile.  That will be a post for another time.

 I could go on and on because there is so much in my mind right now, but I will stop here for now and just say, whether you realize it or not you cannot fight this struggle of faith alone.  You need the help of God's Spirit in you and the help of other believers!   Paul says that we have a SHARED struggle.  Satan wants us isolated.  He does not want us to share our burdens, our struggles with sin, our weaknesses with other people.

Your faith is at stake.

Your faith is at stake.

Paul makes this very clear.   So, my exhortation is:
1)  Find a group of Christ following friends that can hold you accountable and that you can hold accountable.  
2)  Share one another's burdens.
3)  Encourage someone today.  I love Hebrews 3:13  "Encourage one another DAY AFTER DAY as long as it is called today."   As Christians we should be encouraging one another.  We need it.  Write that email, send that text, post an encouraging word on Facebook, or better yet, pick up the telephone meet at a coffee house and encourage one another.


Your faith is at stake and it all boils down to faith.

More to come...

How Beautiful

As many people know, tomorrow is Caroline's birthday.  She is 6 years of age.  As a parent, birthdays bring about much nostalgia and contemplation.  I can easily remember all of the emotions I felt on this night all those years ago.  At about the time I'm writing this, 6 years ago, I was being hooked up to an IV to begin the process of inducing labor.   Needless to say, I was battling fear.  You see, this wasn't my first time to go through that process.  The delivery room at the hospital was not necessarily a welcome sight to me.  I had known a great amount of pain, grief, and loss in that place.  Would all go well this time?    Many people were praying.  Many people had been praying since they found out I was pregnant nine months previous.

Among all those praying was a special group of women I like to call "Caroline's warriors."  I won't mention their names, but if they are reading this, they know who they are!!  These amazing women of God traversed with us in prayer on the cusp of our two miscarriages.  One of the women, after a time of prayer held me by the arms, looked straight into my eyes and said, "Kristin, the minute you find out you are pregnant again, you better call me!"  About 4 years after that conversation, I contacted her with the news.  Immediately this group of women began to pray.  They prayed for my health and the health of the life growing inside of me.  They battled on their knees for those months.  Once we knew we were having a girl, I passed the news to them, along with her name:  Caroline Elizabeth Hightower.  So, it was not surprising that soon after this, these women wrote letters to Caroline.  At one of the baby showers, these were joined by many others who wrote letters for our sweet daughter.  I left the shower with about 20 of them, and I immediately bought a lovely pink flower scrapbook to put them in.

I remember reading each letter and bawling my eyes out over how beautiful this act of love was.  This was the body of Christ in action.  How beautiful.  Inspired by these godly women, I have continued to write letters to Caroline, in hopes that one day, when she begins to face life's struggles, that these words of love and hope will inspire her to hold on to Jesus with everything she's got.  My hope is that through these letters, she will have yet another piece of evidence that He is real.  He is alive.  He is active, and He loves her so very much.

On every birthday, this group of women sends Caroline a birthday card.  They each write a special message for her and remind her of those who pray continually on her behalf.

Today, I felt like I was holding together pretty well, until I pulled the mail from our mailbox and saw the birthday card.  A deep emotion just washed over me and spilled out through tears that could not be held back.  I am confident that as long as these women draw breath, there will be an annual letter to Caroline.  Oh how beautiful is the body of Christ.  So, tomorrow, for the 6th time Caroline will open her birthday card from her prayer warriors.  This  time, she will be able to read it for herself. 

The depth of joy that I have experienced because of these women, and many other family and friends who have gathered around us and prayed for our family all these years cannot be expressed.  This goes deeper--because it is Christ in action.  Christ in us, the hope of glory!!

One of the things I have taught both of my girls from infancy is the truth about true beauty.   I am already writing letters to my girls about how the world views beauty, and how it is a false beauty--one that fades and decays and only scratches the surface of who a person really is.   They will be able to see, through the actions of women like our prayer warriors what true beauty is, and let me tell you "Caroline's warriors" are radiant.  Today, when I pulled that card out of the mailbox and saw who it was for and who had sent it, I was inspired to be beautiful like that.
Many little girls dream of being a beautiful princess bride.  To them, this is the pinnacle of womanhood.  I know it was for me, and I see it in my daughters.  The bride, walking down the aisle--her radiance takes our breath away.   What we forget, and what I want my daughters to know is that that moment is  a picture of a greater reality--the bride of Christ--the Church!

As Caroline opens her annual birthday card tomorrow, she is going to see this bride of Christ in action.  How beautiful.

Thank you to all who have prayed for us.  May your lives be truly blessed.  Please continue to pray without ceasing.  In doing this, you are tapping into eternity.  And for all others reading this--be a prayer warrior for someone.  It will change their lives in ways you would have never dreamed.

How beautiful the hands that served
The wine and the bread and the sons of the earth
How beautiful the feet that walked
The long dusty roads and the hill to the cross

How beautiful, how beautiful
How beautiful is the body of Christ

How beautiful the heart that bled
That took all my sin and bore it instead
How beautiful the tender eyes
That chose to forgive and never despise

How beautiful, how beautiful
How beautiful is the body of Christ

And as He laid down His life
We offer this sacrifice
That we will live just as he died
Willing to pay the price
Willing to pay the price

How beautiful the radiant bride
Who waits for her groom with His light in her eyes
How beautiful when humble hearts give
The fruit of pure lives so that others may live

How beautiful, how beautiful
How beautiful is the body of Christ

How beautiful the feet that bring
The sound of good news and the love of the King
How beautiful the hands that serve
The wine and the bread and the sons of the earth

How beautiful, how beautiful
How beautiful is the body of Christ

Where does your strength come from??

Psa. 73:26     My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

I'm so glad that God laid this verse upon my heart today, because it is a truth of which I needed reminding.  I am writing out these thoughts in hopes that someone else out there can relate, and that maybe this truth with encourage you too.

Part of life on this earth is facing and experiencing rejection, heartbreak and suffering.  These are moments when our heart is wounded a bit or our cup is tipped over, and the water just spills out all over the place.  For those who do not believe Jesus is the source of all satisfaction, there is no choice but to try and fill the cup again with the things of this world:  material possessions, entertainment, escapism, the approval of others, the acceptance of friends, alcohol, etc.  But for those of us who do call Jesus Lord, we have a choice.  We can follow after the world OR we can take our empty cup to the source of Living Water and allow Him to fill it.

Making the right choice in these situations is so very hard.  Its so much easier to react in anger or have a pity party, or to go to someone else to gain love and acceptance.   I find myself at this crossroads today--and I have found myself here many times before.  There is no doubt that there were times when I chose the easier route--the wider path--if you will.  But I know all to well that going down that road only leads to more emptiness.  So, I know which road I need to take, but honestly, I just want to meditate on my circumstances.  Sometimes I think we like to just wallow in our pity a bit.  We say to ourselves, "Just give me some time to wallow, then I'll move on."  Yes, we should have time to grieve and yes, sometimes we need time to think things through.  But, we don't have to wait to take our pain to our Savior.  I can tell Him right now how I am feeling--I can cry out to him and express every emotion I am feeling.  He can take it.  He can transform it.  Though this circumstance is temporal and passing, God is the strength of my heart and my portion FOREVER.     Temporal vs. Forever.   Hmmmm.  I think I'll take that narrow road after all.

So what does taking that narrow road look like?  Well, for me it is asking for His help, His strength, and His wisdom.  It is acknowledging that I am weak, and that I need His strength to get me through.  It is going to my index cards where I have written down scripture for just this kind of battle, and speaking them out loud.  It is choosing to sing praises to Him, even when my heart is wanting to be hard and calloused.   This doesn't mean that I don't acknowledge my struggle.  Yes, I acknowledge it--but I can't let it dictate my choices or what I believe about myself.  You know what I have been saying in my mind and out loud over and over again?  "God loves me."  I am his child and he knows my struggles.

Jesus Christ, more than any of us, knows what rejection and pain feels like.  He experienced every emotion, every painful experience that we experience today--yet was without sin.  We try to avoid pain at all costs, but Jesus Christ willingly walked right into those painful situations.  He laid down his life--because this was His desire.   Yes,  Jesus loves me.  Yes, Jesus loves you!  And because of this love we have a great hope.  One day, all our tears will be wiped away and there will be no more night and no more pain.  All will be restored and our hearts will forever be full and satisfied--never again tipping over and spilling out.

Our God has come to save!  He holds us in His hands.

These are lyrics from a song that I will be singing tonight as a part of our praise team at church.  I just received the call today asking if I'd step in.  I saw that this song was on the list, and was amazed again at God's timing, and how much He wants to express His love to this fragile heart of mine!


"When darkness falls and sorrow finds me
This joy, I know comes in the morning
When all seems lost and strength is fading
This hope I've found is everlasting...

Our God has come to save,
He holds us in His hands
His promise will remain
His Kingdom has no end...

God has come.

Its been a long time...

About a year ago, I purchased a little book for children entitled, "100 ways I know God loves me."
Each entry is about a page long, and is a wonderful source for teaching children about God and His love for us.  It had been awhile since I had read from it, but tonight I felt compelled to do so.  I opened the book and skimmed through a couple of pages until my eyes rested on the entry title:  "I know that God loves me because of His Grace."

Lately, I have begun to have several conversations and teaching moments with Caroline about exactly why Jesus came to earth, why He died on the cross, and why we are lost without Him.  We have had conversations about sin, and how we need Jesus as our Savior.  The entry on Grace seemed to be the perfect page to read, so I did.  And there it was...the gospel in all its glory presented in such a simple way that the mind of a 5 1/2 year old child could understand.  In the moments that I read to Caroline and in the conversation that followed, I believed that I fully comprehended this Grace of God.  It is a Truth that I have known since I was a child, and my parents had the same conversations with me.  But as the evening wore on, I realized that this, like many other Truths had become so familiar to me that I have been taking them for granted--and even minimizing them.

These thoughts began to form after I put Caroline to bed.   I turned on the TV and I briefly saw the news that Whitney Houston died today at 48 years of age.  My husband is 45, so I dare say this got me thinking.  I began thinking about how much success she had achieved in her short life here on earth. But with that worldy success came great difficulties, temptations, and hardships.  She struggled with so many addictions--as many of us do.  I remember being in 6th grade and hearing one of her first hits and thinking, WOW.  I'm sure that countless young girls wanted to be like her, and millions of people idolized her.  But in just 48 short years, her life is finished here.  Now what?  I have no idea if she knew Jesus, and I won't presume to guess--so I began turning the lens toward myself.

My first thought was, "What is 48 years compared to ETERNITY??"  I was taken back by how I cling so much to this life and the things of this world.  Sometimes I think I actually live as though this is all there is, when in my heart I know that there is real life awaiting me in heaven.  For the believer in Christ, this life should be thought of as a single breath, a blinking of an eye.  Then my next thought was, "What if God hadn't loved us?  What if He had not created this world with a plan to redeem it?"  If He hadn't, then if I died tomorrow my 36 years of life on this earth would be all there was that was good (and that was with many hardships and trials), and my eternity would be lived out separated from God my Creator in pure misery.   Immediately the Grace I have been taking for granted melted away the callouses and walls around my heart and all I could do was whisper, through tears, "Thank you, Father!"  "My Father.  He really is my Father and I am His child and I am not really home yet.  God forgive me for so desperately clinging to this world and the things of this world.  Forgive me for placing material things and education above the Hope to which I am called."  In those moments I had a fresh understanding again of Who He Is, who I am, and what He has done, and continues to do for me: and that is GRACE--UNMERITED FAVOR.

I have been studying John 11, in preparation for an upcoming Bible study with some of the female Luther college students.  I have been pondering one of the most powerful "I AM" statements of Christ that John records.  It is the statement Jesus makes to Martha before raising Lazarus from the dead.  He says to her, "I AM the Resurrection and the Life.  He who believes in me will live, even though he dies.  And whoever lives and believes in me will never die."  Then he asks Martha,  "Do you believe this?"

Have you ever stopped and asked yourself the question,  "What if He wasn't the Resurrection and the Life--Where would we end up?  What hope would we have?"  "What if the God of the universe had cared nothing about us?"  Just think about those questions for a bit.  They were sobering to me.  Hallelujah!  He IS a God who loves us and cares about us.  Hallelujah!  He planned to come to earth and become one of us.  He willingly suffered, bled, and died.  The Creator of the Universe---for my sin and yours.  Hallelujah!  He IS the Resurrection AND the Life and He rose again and is alive and is interceding for us!  Not only that, He imparts to us the same Life that is in Him.  How can this be? 

Oh love that wilt not let me go!!  Oh grace that is greater than all my sin!!

It is so interesting to me that the people who surrounded Jesus (his disciples and those who believed in Him) tended to treat Him the same way I do sometimes.  I can so often spout of Christian and Biblical doctrine with fluency and excitement, but not experience the person of Jesus in my heart, soul, and mind.   I so easily exchange theology for the reality of Jesus--the Resurrection and the Life.  Martha was doing the same thing.  She spouted off Pharisaical dogma with ease to Jesus when she spoke of her belief that Lazarus would be raised again on the last day.  Most of us would applaud her for such a strong stand of faith.  But Jesus comes back with,  "I AM the Resurrection".    In other words,  "Martha, all that you believe is embodied in ME, and wouldn't exist apart from me!"

This is the reminder I needed tonight.  I needed the reminder that my life is about a relationship with God through Jesus Christ--it is not about religion, the Bible verses I know, how often I go to church, or how many doctrinal truths I can quote.   Instead it is a daily surrender to His calling, and the mindset that this could be my last day here on earth.

What will I do for eternity today?  What can I do that will make an eternal difference rather than just make my day more comfortable.  Comfort is such a fleeting thing.  Am I living for eternity or just for tomorrow?  Am I throwing all my eggs into this earthly basket, or am I denying my selfish desires and following Him?

These are the questions I am asking myself, and I hope you will too.

This life is but a breath.  A blink of an eye.  Eternity is forever.  It never ends.

And at this crossroads stands Jesus saying and asking:  "I AM the Resurrection and the Life.  He who believes in me will live, even though he dies.  And whoever lives and believes in me will never die."

"Do you believe this?"

Longings

What is your deepest longing?  I'm not really talking about what you desire most right now, but what you have desired over a very long period of time.  Its the thirst of your soul that returns time and again and you are faced with a decision about how to quench it.  There is always a trigger that awakens this longing.  We go through life desperately seeking satisfaction, for this deep burning desire to be filled.  Its very easy to focus on the longing itself and not notice the events, thoughts, or people that trigger it in the first place.  I am confident that I was one of those people for a very long time.  Instead of knowing the triggers for my deep longings and keeping a watchful eye on my thoughts and dreams when they occurred, I often allowed myself to fill this tug on my heart in ways that would not truly satisfy.

Okay, I'll get a little more specific.  I am a hopelessly romantic person.  I know I've written this in previous blogs, but I feel it needs re-stating here.  :)   I absolutely love Jane Austen novels, Anne of Green Gables, Little Women, and every movie based upon these books that has been made over the years.  Since I was a young girl, like many girls, I wanted my handsome prince to sweep me off my feet and ride away with me into the sunset.  Like many women, I believed that when I found the love of my life and married him, then surely that longing would disappear.  It didn't.  But instead of asking deeper questions of myself, I just believed that my husband was supposed to meet them, by golly!  He's not giving me my Mr. Darcy moments nearly as much as I want them!  Sure, Mr. Darcy was there when we first started dating but....now we've been married for several years and...well...its different!  Little did I realize that I was expecting way too much of the man God had given me to spend my life with here on earth.  I was expecting him to meet very deep longings that only Jesus Christ could satisfy.

So what triggered all of these thoughts again tonight?  Well, I watched the most recent adaptation of Jane Eyre.  Because I now know that watching movies like this awakens something in me, I went into it with full awareness that after I viewed the movie, I might need to have a quiet time with my Savior.   And, sure enough, a complex and diverse amount of thoughts and emotions began to bubble up inside.  I don't think I can even begin to articulate them, so I won't, but suffice to say that I was feeling very deeply.  I knew immediately that my thought life could go one direction, or another and I decided that one way can lead to a despairing cycle and the other can lead to a quenching of my thirst.  I chose the latter.  Have I always?  No.  The reason...I didn't realize just how much of a battle field my mind was.  I didn't really realize that I had the power to take thoughts captive and to renew my mind with the powerful Sword of the Spirit.   I would meditate and meditate and dream and wish and long...and I'd feel miserable!

I will never forget one night after I watched the most recent re-make of Pride and Prejudice.  I know I've mentioned it before in my writing too, but again, I feel its relevant to bring it up again.  There is something about that movie that just takes my breath away.  Especially one of the final scenes where Elizabeth is pacing outside her home and just over the hillside, she sees Darcy coming for her.  Its clear that he'd been walking all night and thinking of nothing but her.  The music, the acting, the cinematography, and the artistry is just spectacular in this moment..and...it takes my breath away every time I see it.    I remember watching it one night and thinking to myself..."I wish that was me."  Do you see how dangerous that one thought can be if allowed to grow, deepen, and take hold?  You see, the people who made that movie know that many women would have that thought when they viewed it.  Movie makers, music writers, magazine editors, authors, and producers are counting on our having that thought and acting upon it.  It is a thought that drives our entire society and culture today.  Both men and women build on that thought and go outside of marriage to have their desires met.  People strive and strive to have position, power, and success and lose everything that counts in the process.  There is always a "greener" pasture, so to speak.

But that evening, in the moment that I was thinking that thought, the Holy Spirit within me beckoned me to take that thought to a different source of satisfaction.  I was being called to lift my cup up to The One and Only person who could know my deepest longing the way I wanted to be known and still love me with an unfailing love.  To this day, I cannot describe in words the depth of truth I felt in my quiet time with God that evening.   But, I will never forget it, because it was the first time I had ever taken my deepest thirsts to Him and Him alone.  And, he filled my cup to overflowing and satisfied my deepest longings.  It was as though my Savior was saying, "I'm your Mr. Darcy, Kristin.  It's me, and one day you will see me coming for you--for you--my bride.  I gave my life for you.  You are beautiful and you are going to spend eternity with me."  And from then on, I knew that I couldn't expect anyone else in the world to meet my strongest soul-needs.  There is only one source of living water.

"If anyone is thirsty, let him come to Me and drink.  He who believes in Me, as the Scripture said, "from his innermost being will flow rivers of living water."

Over and over in the book of John, Jesus says, "He who believes in me..."   believes.  Faith.  Trust.
When we choose to believe that Jesus Christ loves us completely and with an unfailing love despite all our faults and choices--despite all our hopeless attempts to fill our empty cups--something amazing happens.  When we trust His character and His Word above what others may say or think of us, and above what society may say about us--we begin to taste what true satisfaction can be and the freedom that comes from it.  "You will know The Truth, and The Truth will set you free."

It all boils down to faith.


All who are thirsty
All who are weak,
Come to the fountain,
Dip your heart in the streams of life.
Let the pain and the sorrow be washed away,
In the waves of His mercy
As deep cries out to deep...

Come Lord Jesus, come.

Who Are You Following?

Can I just say that God has my attention? I'm sure many can relate.  Ever come across a teaching in scripture that God decides to hammer over your head over several days and through several different avenues?  You read the word and are caused to meditate.  You hear a sermon on that exact teaching.  A friend calls you and talks about the struggles he/she is having with the very same thing you are being convicted of by the Holy Spirit, and finally, your daughter, out of the blue but clearly prompted by God, says something that brings you to your knees in awe of the God who loves you and pursues you like no one you've ever known.    Well, this is me right now--today.

The specific teaching that I am referring to is that of following Jesus.

I have been researching possible Bible studies for the Luther College gals this fall, and I had come across a new DVD/small group study that has been put out by Francis Chan.  The title is: BASIC, and it is a study about the basic truths of the Christian faith, and is meant to help us as believers to understand the Triune God (God the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit), and through that understanding to operate as the church that we are called to be.  A few days ago, I watched the first video on The Fear of God, and it was great.  But, somehow, I knew that the one that would hit me between the eyes would be the second film, which speaks of what it means to be a follower of Jesus.  I had been putting off watching it, and I wasn't even planning on viewing it tonight, but a series of events that God set in motion led me to watch it tonight--and all of a sudden everything that God has been trying to get across to me began to fall into place.

A few days ago, I watched the "trailer" for the film on the BASIC website:  http://basicseries.com/films/follow-jesus.php.   At the time, I didn't want to pay to watch the full length version, but what was shown and said in that short teaser got me thinking about what it means to be a follower of Jesus Christ.   If you haven't already, go take a peek at it.  Its only a few seconds long.

Okay, so I've been doing the Precept Upon Precept study of Covenant (by Kay Arthur).  This week in the study I have been studying the aspect of covenant as a solemn and binding agreement.  Kay takes you through several passages of scripture to define what it really means to make a covenant.  In the Hebrew, the word used is actually "carath" which means to cut.  I've had a year of Hebrew study, and there is a word which means "to make" and its interesting that Moses does not use that word when referring to the covenant God made with Abraham, and later with the Israelites.   He uses the word "cut" instead.  And, when you look at what takes place in Genesis 15--Abraham takes the animals and cuts them into two pieces.  Then, a smoking pot/oven and flaming torch pass through the pieces.  Scholars believe this is God himself passing through the pieces and confirming His covenant with Abraham.  This passing through or walk, was known as a walk of death.  The walk of death was a testimony of the covenanting partners "to die to their own independent living.  Now they were to live always in consideration of the other and the covenant they had made."  During ancient times, if two people made a covenant in this way, they were saying that God should do the same thing to them that was done to the animals if either party broke the covenant.  Therefore, cutting covenant was serious business.

When God made the Covenant of Law with the Israelites, he tells Moses to communicate to them that if they obey His laws they will be blessed and kept safe.  If they abandon the covenant and pursue their own desires and other gods, then they were opening themselves up for God's judgement.

Fast forward to the night the New Covenant was instigated by Jesus Christ.  It is the night of the Passover Feast.  Jesus breaks the bread and says "This is my body, broken for you."  (Broken in two pieces for you!), then he took the cup of wine and said, "This is my blood, poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins."  (Did you notice he doesn't say all?  He says "many."  Keep this in mind as we go on.   After reading this passage, Kay takes us to 1 Corinthians, where the people there were taking very lightly this "rite" of the New Covenant.  Instead of examining themselves and their own sin in the light of Christ's covenant with us, they were eating and drinking to their fill and demeaning the price Jesus paid.  God was disciplining them severely because of this, and Paul was clear in his rebuke of them.

When Jesus dies on the cross, an astounding things occurs.  The veil in the temple, which for centuries had kept everyone but the High Priest out of God's presence in the Holy of Holies was torn IN TWO pieces from top to bottom.  Later, the writer of Hebrews in Chapter 10 states that this veil represented the breaking of Jesus' body/flesh.   Here's a question for you--have you ever broken a loaf of bread from bottom to top?  I never have--its always top to bottom.  Interesting how it all ties together!!  So, Jesus himself was broken for our iniquities and he took the walk of death through the veil, which also symbolized his own body.  He is the covenental partner that will NEVER abandon the covenant!  We enter into covenant with Him when we believe on Him as our substitute--our reedemer--our Lord.  A person who enters into a covenant is committing themselves fully to their covenanting partner.  Jesus says of himself "I am THE way, THE truth, and THE life.  No one can come to the Father but by/through me." 

Earlier in His ministry, before Jesus puts the New Covenant in motion, he makes another very clear statement to those around Him.  "If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow me...."

When we cut covenant with Christ, we take the walk of death too.  We die to self.  "I have been crucified with Christ, and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me.  The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the one who loved me and gave himself for me."  Gal. 2:20.   THE LIFE I LIVE IN MY TIME HERE ON EARTH IS BY FAITH.  FAITH!  It all boils down to faith!!  Even for Abraham, God reckoned him righteous by his faith!  Galatians 3:9 calls Abraham, "the believer"!  After he believes God and puts his faith in Him, God cuts the covenant.  And, out of his faith comes obedience.  This is where the "following" comes in.  If we truly are putting our faith in Jesus (notice I am using present active tense!  We are "faithing" in Jesus, and this faith results in obedient following.

Francis Chan makes a strong statement in his video.  He says that there are millions of people who say they are followers of Christ, but they aren't following him.  They aren't doing the things he said to do.  He makes the point that we can't just say we follow him and then walk down a different path.    In Romans chapter 2, Paul makes it clear that when we don't obey the truth, we are selfishly ambitious.  In other words, its either follow Christ, or follow self.  I see no grey area here at all.  In Hebrews 3, we see that it is the unbelieving heart that falls away from God.  If I am not "faithing" in Jesus, then I am "faithing" in myself and I am deliberately rebelling against God. When I don't obey Him, I'm being selfish and acting in unbelief.  I have been reminded this week that I have taken the walk of death!  I must die to self!  This can manifest itself in so many different ways:  in the way I treat my husband, the way I communicate with my children, the way I choose to spend my time and energy, and so much more.

In the midst of being reminded of this teaching, I was telephoned by a former student and we had a long conversation that really centered around believing God and following Christ.  We both got off the phone encouraged and renewed in our focus to follow Jesus.  Also in Hebrews chapter 3 is the statement, "So let us continue encouraging each other...so that your hearts will not be hardened by sin's deceitfulness.  We follow Jesus when we encourage and exhort our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ--and we are called to do this everyday!

Another way we are called to follow Jesus was clearly pointed out to me today by my five year old daughter, Caroline.   About a month ago, she and I were talking about what it means to give to those who are in need.  I told her that Jesus tells us to help the poor and those who have no food or clothing.   We hadn't talked about it at all since then, and all of a sudden today, she brought it up.  We were in the car headed home when she said:  'Mommy, I think we should give some food and money to the poor."  In my very adult way I said, "Well, I will try and figure out a place in town where we could do that.  We'll do it tomorrow."  Then she says, "Mom, lets just go to every house and see if they are poor and need food or money, then we would know.  Lets do it now! Today!"  I was overwhelmed by the fervency with which she spoke.  "God wants us to do this", she said.

Just before I wrote this blog, I began to put all these pieces together and I realized that God prompted my little Caroline to demonstrate to me what it means to follow Christ.
1)  God said it, and we should do it! (I believe God, so I'm going to obey Him)
2)  We don't need to delay--we must do it now!  (Delayed obedience is really disobedience)
3)  Lets not just do it half-baked, lets go to every house and see if there is a need (Deny yourself fully and give your all to Him).

As I finish this day and this blog entry, I am reminded again of how much God loves us and how He is involved in the most intricate details of our lives, and he will use a fantastic Bible teacher, an authentic and real preacher, a student and friend, and 5 year old child to speak His truth.  And, he did it all within just a few days.  There is no doubt that my faith is strengthened, and I am convinced that there is some dying to self that needs to be done.  I am praying that God will show me the specific ways I have neglected to trust and follow Jesus.  Trust and obey, for there's no other way...

"There he hangs:  Jesus, the Passover Lamb, in the veil of His flesh--God's covenant sacrifice!  The way to God!  Do you see Him?  Do you believe?  Are you ready to enter into covenant?  O beloved, do you realize it is a solemn, binding agreement; one that is to be honored?  Are you willing to die to your independent way of life?"  (Kay Arthur)


Where you go, I'll go.
Where you stay, I'll stay.
When you move, I'll move.
I will follow.
Who you love, I'll love
How you serve, I'll serve
If this life I lose, I will follow You.

Its about TIME!!

As I came into this weekend, I just knew that the time was coming to write a new post for this blog.  I didn't know what it would be about, and there were different ideas swirling around in my head.  I can't describe the feeling I had, but I just knew that one was coming.  There is something about the onset of the week of my Lord's Passion that just gets my heart tendered toward Him.  I become really aware of the sin in my life and just how amazing His grace really is.  I begin to ponder and meditate on just how much my God loves me.  I think about His faithfulness when my tendency is to be anything but faithful.  I think about the fact that I am His child, and with that identity and position comes amazing love, an abundance of mercy, and perfect discipline.  What I mean by that is, His discipline always perfectly fits my need.  He convicts me through His Word, or uses someone close to me to point me back to Him, He pries my fingers from things that I thought were good for me, He closes doors, and, sometimes He uses my children.

There are many times that I marvel at the wonderful creation of God called parenting.  I never would have dreamed the lessons I have learned by being a parent.  It is through parenting that God has given me a little taste of what he feels about me, and a better understanding of just how much He loves me.  He also shows me, through the actions of my children, how I can treat Him.  He shows me my tendency toward independence and rebellion.  And, through it all, I come to a deeper and clearer understanding of His patience, kindness, and love.

The last few weeks have not been easy nor pleasant for me.   Caroline is in a phase that I would call her first adolescence.  Sure, her twos were terrible at times :) but, this is different.  There has been the crossing of the arms, rolling of the eyes, and huffing around like she's 15 already.  I found myself saying several times today, "O Lord help me!"   I am quite sure that she has spoken to me in ways I never spoke to my parents, and Allen and I are disciplining in the same way I was raised--and it worked!  Sometimes it is like she's never been disciplined in her entire life, which couldn't be further from the truth.  Being a student of the wonderful book "Shepherding a Child's Heart", my thoughts have been, "Okay, we've got to get to the heart of this.  I will ask probing questions to see what is going on in her heart."  While a 15 year old wouldn't have much trouble speaking her mind, a 5 year old isn't quite there yet.  I have wondered if it has something to do with Julianne at some level.  Allen and I have thought that it is important to make sure Caroline is getting the attention from us that she needs.  There is no doubt that has suffered a bit since I have gone back to teaching this year---and taking Hebrew---AND teaching a Bible study---AND doing the things a wife and mom does for her family every day. 

Bottom line:  For a child, love is spelled T-I-M-E.  I was reminded of this truth again as I talked over our situation with my parents.  What a blessing to have godly parents who will tell you like it is in a loving an gentle way.  Thanks, mom and dad for your words of wisdom tonight.  After our phone conversation, I sprung into action.  The determined perfectionist that I am---I got off of the phone and immediately started to think of ways I could spend some quality time with Caroline--to listen to her, talk to her, and spend more time with her.   So, tomorrow for lunch it is a mommy daughter date to her favorite restaurant in town. 

But, even after that decision was made, I still felt like I needed to think through somethings and pray.  I don't know where your prayer closet is, but mine is in the shower.  :)   Yes, you read that correctly.  Many times, if I need to clear my head or talk to God I jump into a nice warm shower and start thinking, praying, and sometimes talking.  Thankfully I didn't do this in college or my suite mates would have thought I was crazy!!  I cannot tell you how many times God has spoken to my heart during these times.  Weird huh?  Well, tonight I had another spiritual revelation in the shower!

I was thinking about how Caroline has been behaving and I believe this anger has manifested itself because I have not had time to give her my full undivided attention.  Sure, I tell her I love her, I tell her she is beautiful, I tell her how happy I am that she is my daughter.  But you know what---words are not enough.  I began to think about times in my own life when I have longed for someone to spend time with me, to really stop what they are doing and make me a priority.  We humans SO depend upon that.  I have learned that ministry opportunities take TIME.  Any time that I have done work for the Kingdom, it has meant sacrificing my own selfish goals and ambitions for the day.  Often, the opportunities God provides for ministry happen at what we would consider the worst possible time.  But, we then realize that if we follow through and obey, we reap a blessing of joy that far outweighs anything we would have chosen to do that day on our own.   For a child, the same rules apply, in a way.  I am convinced that what Caroline needs most right now, is for me to show my love to her by spending time with her and giving her my undivided attention.   Its time for me to put away the homework, the cleaning, the cooking, the emailing, and the myriads of other things that distract me and just listen to her.

As I stood in the shower I came to a realization. Like my relationship with Caroline, Julianne, and Allen--words alone cannot define my relationship with God.  My words are not enough.  I can stand there in church and worship with a pure heart, and I can lead a group of women in a Bible study, and I can talk about Him to my family, but these words cannot be the measure of my relationship with Him.   But the words I speak with Him alone--one on one in a time that I have sacrificed and set aside just for Him--that is different.   Love is spelled T-I-M-E.  I was brought to the place where I realized yet again how my words may not be enough but His Word is.  I can converse with him through His Word.  I can listen to Him.  I can revel in His presence.  You know what is really wonderful??  When I neglect my time with Him, He does not respond as Caroline or I would respond if someone were not spending time with me.  He does not react in anger, He doesn't wine or complain, He doesn't speak ill of me.  Instead, He patiently waits.   And, when my well runs dry and I realize I have neglected my first love, all I have to do is confess and run back to Him and He is waiting with open arms to pour out his love, truth, and freedom into my soul.  He is my Abba, Father.

I heard a great sermon today about the events of Palm Sunday, and the attitudes of those in the crowd.  The man who preached described these people as merely "fans" of Jesus, not followers.  By the end of the week, many of these people changed their "Hosannas"  (Save!) to "Crucify Him!!"  He asked us--are you a fan of Jesus or a follower?  This really hit me.  When we are a fan of someone, we can talk them up really well, but it is so surface--so fleeting.   We can talk the good, churchy talk--can't we?  But when the rubber meets the road--or should I say, when our feet hit the pavement---are we following Him?  Are we walking as Jesus walked?  Doing so requires sacrifice.  It requires a crucifixion.  We must die to self and instead, abide in Him.  "I have been crucified with Christ, and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me.  The life I live in the body I live by faith in the One who loved me and gave Himself for me."  Faith is not just speaking doctrinal truths, it is living out day by day, step by step--the actions that define a follower of Christ.

Abide in Him.  Talk with Him.  Spend time with Him.   He is our Abba.

And He is waiting and so willing.